It's a hard knock life

Sometimes my job makes me want to go to my mom's house and hug my parents and never let them go. I have now successfully done the two most difficult parts of a child welfare social worker's job. In August, I removed two children from their mother's care because I felt that she was placing them at risk (you can read all about it in a post written around August 24, 2004). Today, I had to tell the same children and mother that the children's permanency goal was changed from reunification with their mother to adoption. That means that the children will never live with their mother again. It means that, if they are adopted, their mother will not be allowed to speak to them or see them again until they are adults (and if, as adults, they choose to contact their mother). The children in this case are not little. They are twelve and fourteen years old. They know their mother. They love their mother. Even though Mom neglected them, emotionally abused them, and placed them in harm's way by smoking crack in their presence, they still love her. I went to the fourteen year old girl and told her that she would not be able to live with her mother ever again. I explained to her how adoption works, and told her that she was old enough to choose not to be adopted. However, she could also choose to be adopted if she wanted that. This girl was so strong during this conversation. She listened and she understood. I had tears in my eyes telling her this, and she just nodded and listened. It was sooooo hard to tell her she would never be able to live with her mother again. I can not imagine what it would feel like as a child to hear that. I can't imagine what it would feel like, as a mother, to hear that she will never again be able to have her children in her home. And, in all likelihood, she will lose all of her parental rights, and never be able to see her children again. Sometimes, my job is so hard and painful, it makes me wonder why I went into this field. But, at the same time, it brings me real joy to see how these children have grown and blossomed since they were removed from their mother's care and placed in foster care. They are smart, funny, beautiful children. They are excelling in school and in their lives. They have people in their lives that love them, and that show them that they love them on a daily basis. I take for granted the fact that I had that, but it makes me realize that I need to truly appreciate the love that I received, both as a child and now, from my parents.

OK, it's been a very stressful day, and so I'll stop talking about my hard job.

I finished crocheting a scarf. I even added tassels to it. Yay! I guess I should take a picture and post it, but I'm emotionally and physically drained from the stress that occurred at work today. I'm now working on another scarf, and I told Robbie I would make an afghan for the house (ha! It will be done around Christmas!). But I'm finding that crocheting is a good way to wind down and relax from hard days at work. My mind can wander, and I can think about anything I want, or absolutely nothing. That is a good feeling.

Robbie has just about completed his first week of the academy. Apparently, it's awful. It's boot camp all over again. He is currently studying for an exam tomorrow, and he clearly doesn't want to study (he tried to find ANYTHING to do other than study). But, on the bright side, he is 4 percent complete (and only has 96 days left) :)

Anyways, I'm going to go finish unwinding and probably go to bed. I think I need a year-long vacation.

So long...

No, not like, "So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye." More like, it has been so long since I posted something. Yes, I'm weird. No, not weird - unique! :) Anyways, life has been busy. I have been crazy busy at work, writing five court reports in the span of a week and a half. I have four hearings this month, the first of which was today. The judge was displeased with me, which was a first (although apparently this judge is always displeased).

The only big news for right now: Robbie got offered a job on the UMCP police force. So he is gonna be a police officer! YAY! I think I'm yaying more for him, not really for me. For me, it becomes lonely nights and ulcers from being worried all the time, but at least he will be happy.

I have started seriously working on my crocheting. I was working on what I thought was going to be a scarf. Well, I guess about 15 rows into it, I realized it was not going out straight like a scarf should, but was turning more and more into a triangle shape. This is not bad for, say, a pot holder. However, it is bad for a scarf. So, I read my nifty directions, and it turns out I was missing the important step that kept it from going into a triangle. So, as I had used half of my ball of yarn, I started over with a new color. Now, it's coming along at a slow pace, but it is still straight! YAY!!! I never knew I would or could get excited about crocheting, but indeed I am. If it keeps progressing, I may even post a picture to show the finished (or sort of finished) product. When we were out buying yarn, Robbie found a website on one of the yarns where you can get free patterns! I was excited about this, until I went to the site. Most of it is for people who know what they are doing, which doesn't include me. But, I'm learning, so when I learn to do more, I'll try one of those patterns. For now, I will finish my scarf, and then I am going to try to work on an afghan (ha! I'll keep y'all posted on how well that's going!).

Oh well, since the bulk of my blog has to do with crocheting, I guess my life is undeniably dull right now. But, I'm okay with that.

HAPPY 2005!!!!! :)