D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Well, friends, it finally happened. On Thursday, a Judge issued an Order that ended my marriage. This isn't really a happy post, though I know some people who were quite happy when their divorces finally came through. I guess it's more of a reflective post. It's also one of the more serious posts on this blog. So, if you don't like reflective, or you don't like serious, you might want to skip it.
Life is interesting. It's like one of those "choose your own adventure" stories or the Frost poem The Road Not Taken (take your pick). I know growing up, you always want to be something different every week. One week you say you are going to be a teacher, the next week a doctor. It's easy to change your mind because when your ten, it doesn't really matter. However, when you are a grown up, the choices you make in life are a lot more meaningful. When I was 21, I knew it all. I knew how to be a good friend, a good companion, and a good wife. At 24, I was no longer sure I knew how to be any of those things. I had grown up and matured, at least some, and I learned how much I had to learn about life. Marriage doesn't work just because your parents are happily married. Marriage doesn't work just because you are in love. Marriage takes a lot of work from both people in order to actually make it work. You are both going to screw up. Alot. You are both going to get mad, you are going to stress, you are going to argue. My marriage had all of those components. We got mad, we stressed, we argued, and most of all, we screwed up. The part that made it not work was that we didn't communicate. We didn't talk about the stress. We didn't talk about the screw ups. We went on, like everything was perfect, when things were really coming apart at the seams. I don't think either of us are to blame exclusively. I think that we both contributed to the demise of the relationship.
After two years, looking back, I feel like I can more clearly see what went wrong. We didn't have the perfect marriage, but who does? It takes work and it takes mistakes. My parents didn't have a perfect marriage at the beginning. There are bumps along the way and you have to work together to get over the bumps. It makes you a stronger team. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I feel like I've learned something. I hope that I am stronger and better equipped in the event that I get married again.
James and I are both doing so well now, in our separate lives. To use a worn out cliche, we took the lemons that life threw us and we made lemonade. I think we have both grown up alot and have both learned from our mistakes. There are hard days and there are easier days, but experience has made us wiser. I know that the future will be bright for him, and I hope it will be for me, regardless of the fact that the future for us is no longer a shared future. What we do have that we share are the memories that we created together, and those will last a lifetime, even if we didn't.
Life is interesting. It's like one of those "choose your own adventure" stories or the Frost poem The Road Not Taken (take your pick). I know growing up, you always want to be something different every week. One week you say you are going to be a teacher, the next week a doctor. It's easy to change your mind because when your ten, it doesn't really matter. However, when you are a grown up, the choices you make in life are a lot more meaningful. When I was 21, I knew it all. I knew how to be a good friend, a good companion, and a good wife. At 24, I was no longer sure I knew how to be any of those things. I had grown up and matured, at least some, and I learned how much I had to learn about life. Marriage doesn't work just because your parents are happily married. Marriage doesn't work just because you are in love. Marriage takes a lot of work from both people in order to actually make it work. You are both going to screw up. Alot. You are both going to get mad, you are going to stress, you are going to argue. My marriage had all of those components. We got mad, we stressed, we argued, and most of all, we screwed up. The part that made it not work was that we didn't communicate. We didn't talk about the stress. We didn't talk about the screw ups. We went on, like everything was perfect, when things were really coming apart at the seams. I don't think either of us are to blame exclusively. I think that we both contributed to the demise of the relationship.
After two years, looking back, I feel like I can more clearly see what went wrong. We didn't have the perfect marriage, but who does? It takes work and it takes mistakes. My parents didn't have a perfect marriage at the beginning. There are bumps along the way and you have to work together to get over the bumps. It makes you a stronger team. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I feel like I've learned something. I hope that I am stronger and better equipped in the event that I get married again.
James and I are both doing so well now, in our separate lives. To use a worn out cliche, we took the lemons that life threw us and we made lemonade. I think we have both grown up alot and have both learned from our mistakes. There are hard days and there are easier days, but experience has made us wiser. I know that the future will be bright for him, and I hope it will be for me, regardless of the fact that the future for us is no longer a shared future. What we do have that we share are the memories that we created together, and those will last a lifetime, even if we didn't.
posted by Suzanne at 8:07 PM
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